Five years. I can’t say “OMG I can’t believe it!” because I can. For some reason, I feel like I am a world away from that twenty-nine year old girl who brought her third child home from the hospital and thought that life would go on as usual. There is nothing usual about life and there is DEFINITELY nothing usual about Cohen {aka Coco} Miller. I could write all day about this child. I could write about everything he has taught me. I could write about how a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, left-handed little boy turned my world upside down. I could write about all the lessons he has taught me. I could write about how I thought I had it all together, how I thought I could juggle it all, until I had Cohen. I could write about how he taught me that I needed to let some things fall. I could write about how he demanded so much of my time and energy that I was forced to fail at some things, and that was somehow exactly what I needed. I could write about how my world fell apart after I had him so that it could fall together in such a different and beautiful way that it could only be divine intervention. I could write about all the lessons a five year old little boy has taught me, but that would be a book.
Being his mother is such a gift. He is so full of passion and energy and charisma. He is independent and stubborn and full of fire. Every single day he makes me cry out in desperation “HOW IN THE WORLD DO I PARENT THIS CHILD?!?” and also laugh tears of joy “THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING HIM TO ME.” In the words of Garth Brooks, “He is sun and rain, fire and ice. A little crazy but it’s nice.” He dribbles basketballs and kicks soccer balls inside the house everyday (see picture below). This week alone he broke my favorite lamp (for the second time because I’ve already replaced it once) and he also broke a huge picture frame. He jumps on the couch. He climbs on everything. He won’t take no for an answer. He fights with his brother and sister. He is bossy. He is so darn independent and stubborn. He is also the light of our lives. His passion and fire take our lives from “vanilla” to a “triple dip of rocky road meets rainbow sherbet meets mint chocolate chip with a huge dollop of whip cream and a cherry on top.” He makes us laugh. He inspires us. He teaches us to forgive. He makes us pray. He humbles us by reminding us daily that we are not in control and we definitely don’t have it all figured out. Before Cohen, I lived in a perfect little glass castle where I lied to myself. I told myself I had it all figured out and that I could make my family, myself, and everyone else happy simultaneously while breastfeeding my third child happily for a year with a two and 3 year old in the next room, all while keeping a clean house, happy husband, having dinner on the table at 5 pm, starting a photography business and losing all my baby weight within 6 weeks. He shattered my glass castle and for that I will ever be grateful. Now I live in a beautiful place called reality. It is a place where I have faced my fears and will continue to do so. It is a place where I accept and acknowledge that I’m flawed, that I can’t make everyone happy, that I have to say no, that I will disappoint and even anger other people at times, that I mess up, that I’m not a perfect parent, or a perfect friend, or a perfect wife, or a perfect photographer or a perfect anything. For me, reality is such a happier place than trying to protect that glass castle so I am so thankful to my energetic and charismatic little boy who made that glass castle come crashing down.
I usually go take outdoor pictures for my kid’s birthdays but this year I honestly just completely forgot about doing anything until 4:00 yesterday, the day before his birthday. So I just got my camera out and set it on the counter for one hour and decided to snap some pictures of #lifewithcoco. As always, Coco didn’t disappoint. He kicked balls. Nearly broke things. Didn’t take my advice to not play with the Ninja blender and cut his thumb, climbed all over the countertops, bossed his sister around and made her fix him chocolate milk then drank it on the couch which isn’t allowed. He talked daddy into giving up his iPad and letting him watch Ninjago then talked him into turning it on the tv, the entire time bossing of course. He jumped off the countertop he had climbed on and gave me kisses and hugs and believe me, you haven’t experienced a kiss or hug until you have experienced Coco’s kisses and hugs. INTENSE is the only word I can think of. He pouted when I asked him to clean up the mess he made in the pantry then talked an older sibling into helping (aka doing it for) him. He got piggy back rides, made chocolate shakes, poured himself a glass of milk (because although he has no problem asking people to clean up his messes he has absolutely NO problem making the mess). Yet the very best story is the one I’m going to start with because it encapsulates #lifewithcoco so perfectly.
Emmy: comes in crying hysterically. she can’t even speak.
Cohen: “I didn’t do ANYTHING.” (This is code word for “I did everything and I am completely responsible for whatever happened.”)
Me: “Emmy tell me what happened.”
Cohen: Repeating over and over “I didn’t do anything.” (Please see vertical pictures below where he is trying to look extra innocent and shrug his shoulders repeatedly as if that will somehow magically convince me of his innocence.)
Emmy: non-coherent crying and rambling then goes to get Easton to advocate for her
Easton: Strolls in nonchalantly then does some ninja kicking and really there is nothing else to be said because I know that it is all Cohen at this point since he is super into ninjas and ninja kicks right now and let’s be honest, we ALL know that Emmy Grace did not do anything to deserve a ninja kick. He basically tells me that Cohen attacked Emmy because she didn’t do whatever he was bossing her to do.
Cohen: Looking very dejected because he knows he has been ousted.
Me: (to both Emmy and Cohen in a very stern voice). “Emmy good for you for protecting yourself. ANYTIME he attacks you, you have the right to protect yourself. You have the right to kick him or hit him or throw him to the ground to protect yourself if you need to.” (OK let me just say that anyone who wants to judge my parenting skills right now, bring it. You can also bring your judgmental self to my house and try to parent Coco Miller for a day with Emmy Grace and see if you wouldn’t tell your daughter the exact same thing.)
Me: staring down Cohen and waiting for the recognition to hit him of my superior parenting abilities and the realization that I have just given his older brother and sister the right to throw him to the ground or hit him back if they are protecting themselves….two seconds goes by, three, four, five seconds…I’m drilling holes into him with my eyes at this point. A naughty smirk I know all to well comes over his face and he shrugs his shoulders in that “I could give a ____” way that only Coco Miller can do, looks me in the eyes and says “Well….I can do ALL of that faster.”
That is #lifewithcoco Honey badger don’t care. That’s for darn sure. (PS if you don’t get the honey badger reference on this blog then where have you been? Google “honey badger don’t care” video and you’ll get it….Coco don’t care. He doesn’t give a crap. He does what Coco wants, when he wants, how he wants. He’s a honey badger.) Oh and speaking of, honey badger dressed himself for this “a day in the life of” series. I gave up that battle a LONG time ago.
